Monday, October 06, 2008

Strange Fruit and Sour Grapes

When I take a look at Galatians 5:19-26, God convicts me.

“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

I may not be immoral or impure (although at least one person has all but accused me of debauchery by implying that I must be teaching school children “liberal” values, when in fact all I teach them about lines and shapes and colors). I may not be a drunk or attend orgies, but I suppose that what I draw and write contributes to discord, factions, and dissent. I don't engage in witchcraft (I don’t even read the horoscopes), but I do get in such a rage about what I perceive as other people’s idolatry, that it may just be becoming a form of idolatry for me. And I suppose that to dream about someday becoming a professional political cartoonist or writer is a vain, selfish-ambition.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

Lately I've been dealing with irritation, depression, frustration, sarcasm, crabbiness, loneliness, and apparently a vitriol writing style. So I know that I'm not bearing good fruit. So maybe when I look at 1 John, this whole election is an antichrist for me. I've always dreamed of becoming a political cartoonist and/or columnist, I swore that's what God made me to be. But it seems like it's worse than being an alcoholic or a philanderer.

“Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.”

So, I guess, while being a Christian may or may not preclude voting for democrats- at least for me, maybe God doesn’t want me to be a political columnist or cartoonist. Heaven forbid I should offend anyone!

I never meant to hurt anyone, just make them think. I hope you know that I don’t just “spread lies” or make smears. I actually research my columns and genuinely feel that what I write is as honest and helpful as I can make it. I realize that sometimes I may be wrong and there will always be people who disagree with me with good reason.

If you’re worried about what you consider inexperience, or if you’re so uncomfortable with Obama’s positions on given issues, so be it. I completely respect you decision not to vote for him. And I hope that we can agree to disagree and continue to be friends and respect each other and seek the myriad of things on which we agree.

But it feels like again and again, that people don’t just disagree with me, but consider me morally inferior or spiritually anathema- somehow subhuman. I feel hurt, lonely and resentful that fellow Christians would think that I should be silenced because my political opinions don’t align with theirs. I’m feeling a lot of anguish over giving up writing and cartooning. And it boggles my mind that smart, well meaning people don’t see some of the same things that I see and aren’t just as outraged by them.

As a result, I am plagued with doubt, about our democratic system, about the body of Christ, and about my place in both of them. So here I am wresting with these issues in public, airing my dirty laundry on the web for all to see. If you have no pity for me at all, please at least pray for me. I’m lost, without purpose or value.

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